éperdument amoureux: October 2010

From the website of the Domintrix known as Arena Blaze (link);

'I have heard these words before, "I want my wife to dominate me!" or "How can I convince or get my wife to dominate me?". This occurs more often than many people realize. A lovely submissive type husband would really like his wife to dominate him. I am assuming for our purposes here, that this means he wants to be dominated in the bedroom. ...and I have the answer.

He may make comments that he is open to the idea, but can't get her to really understand and go through with it. For example, here is a letter I received recently from a husband who is not alone in his problem of "how to get my wife to dominate me" --
Hi. I have been trying to casually convince my wife to dominate me, but she won't take the bait. Please help. I don't want her to think I'm weird , but I want her to accept it and follow through! I really want this so bad ! I would love to be dominated...

The problem is very obvious. He is casually hinting around at the idea. Of course she won't take the bait -- she doesn't know what he is really asking for. She may even think he's just joking around or flirting with the idea. This hinting type behavior is a very common communication problem in many marriages! One partner hints around, but never asks directly and specifically for what they need. For some reason, committed couples often think the other person is supposed to "understand them" which translates to "read my mind". Reality check people -- you need to just ask.

One happy wife told me that she would have NEVER initiated domme behavior in the bedroom if her husband had not just come out and asked her one day. She said she would have never thought her husband would enjoy something like that. It's hard for many women to imagine a 'normal' man wanting a woman to control him in any way, much less in a way where wife dominates husband. It's also hard for a woman who is normally very in control of herself and her own life to imagine anyone wanting to NOT be in control.
So suck it up, and ask. She can't read your mind. You're married, and you need to just be honest. And also remember, don't just ask -- be specific.

It's probably best that you have this talk when you are NOT in the bedroom. Do not spring it on her when you are both sweaty in the sheets in the throws of your normal foreplay routine. She will need a little time to think about the whole idea as well as get some ideas together in her head about what she is going to do.
Sit her down and talk to her - directly. No hinting! Make it playful. Say something like, "You know, I would really be turned on if we could do a little dominatrix/submissive role playing. Would you be willing to do that with me? Maybe tomorrow evening?" She still may hesitate a little because of her own lack of confidence, due mostly to the fact that she has no idea what she's supposed to do specifically. If so, recommend something very simple for starters, such as a blindfold. (and send her to this website too to check out the Training Day scene).

Suggest something like, "I'd like you to blindfold me, and I will get on my knees and not be allowed to move or touch you in any way unless you specifically tell me to." A blindfold is an excellent way to start, because she will feel more confident if she knows you aren't looking at her. She may worry that you'll laugh at her, in which case tell her that you want to be punished even if you giggle without her permission.
If that idea sounds reasonable, then here's your chance to turn the conversation up a notch and tell her that some fuzzy handcuffs and a little spanker paddle would really be fun too. Suggest that you will provide these new toys, or maybe she would rather pick her own. She may wonder how much domination you really want and not know how far or where to go with it all. Assure her that it is totally consensual, and if she does anything you truly don't want, then you'll use your safety word, and that's how she'll know she's still on the right track.

You might also mention that this is not the ONLY way you'd (or she) would like to make love, just something you'd like to do once in a while (if this is how you really feel). Maybe you're even willing to switch roles and let her be the submissive occasionally. She may really like that idea too.

When you're having this conversation, make sure that certain things are understood:
1. One of you will take on a dominant role and the other the submissive. You will not switch during the scene.
2. You both understand that it is all by mutual consent
3.You will have a safety word to be used when something is happening that the other truly wants to stop, and you will both honor it. You will decide ahead of time what will happen when the safety word is used - whether it means the whole session stops or just the most recent activity. Please check the Safety Suggestions as well.
4. You will both respect the privacy of your bedroom, unless you both agree it's ok to talk about it outside your bedroom or with others.

The happy wife whose husband finally just asked is thrilled that he did, and they have taken things even further with rope and fun outfits, and playful banter regarding her new "alter ego" who occasionally sends him notes telling him what she is going to do to him that evening.

Ladies -- If you are reading this and still need convincing, or if you think this type of request is "weird", keep reading. You probably got here by looking for answers to "my husband wants me to dominate him" and are trying to figure it all out. Some women are uncomfortable in this role at first, but then quickly find that it is a fabulous place to be. Traditionally you may have grown up in a man's world and think that a "real" man should take charge all the time. But truly, a real man is one who puts his own needs aside and serves others. He does it willingly and with full consent. This is all he's really asking for in the bedroom too. He wants to give himself over to you, and to serve you and worship you like the goddess that he sees in you.

Guys -- Good luck. If all goes well, you'll have the answer on how to get your wife to dominate you, and you'll be blind folded or handcuffed in no time.'

Speak up, lovers around the world, and you just might get everything and more that your imagination has been dying for...

The great singer Ella Fitzgerald understands the art of expressing strings of emotion on the breeze. Have hope sweet readers, there is a someone out there that's worth such a love song. In fact, you are worth such a love song. Take a deep breath and let the voice of Mrs. Fitzgerald sweep you to an era that just won't be forgotten.

There's a saying old, says that love is blind
Still we're often told, "seek and ye shall find"
So I'm going to seek a certain lad I've had in mind

Looking everywhere, haven't found him yet
He's the big affair I cannot forget
Only man I ever think of with regret

I'd like to add his initial to my monogram
Tell me, where is the shepherd for this lost lamb?

There's a somebody I'm longin' to see
I hope that he, turns out to be
Someone who'll watch over me

I'm a little lamb who's lost in the wood
I know I could, always be good
To one who'll watch over me

Although he may not be the man some
Girls think of as handsome
To my heart he carries the key

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

(bridge)

Won't you tell him please to put on some speed
Follow my lead, oh, how I need
Someone to watch over me

Someone to watch over me